Realizing I had special abilities wasn’t a linear journey; it was more like coming full circle and home to myself. My paranormal experiences began before I can remember. When I was a baby my elders say that they’d often spot me talking to and giggling at “someone” up high in the corner of a room where there wasn’t anyone to be seen, and often watched someone unseen walk across the house.
I strive to be the courageous, psychic brown girl I needed when I was growing up… in full ownership of my magic, mystery & power.
My childhood was like that; I regularly had unexplainable experiences that no one else had. It was tough to make and keep friends, as I was a strange little girl who wore lots of black and was obsessed with Elvira and Addams family since the age of 5. Not to mention the fact that I grew up fairly poor and faced harsh family dynamics and environmental violence that stem from generations of sociocultural disparities taking their toll.
Trying to share my abilities with other kids never seemed to fit into conversation or earn me any friends. One time while playing “truth or dare” at a Girl Scout slumber party I told my truth, “I can see and speak to people’s angels. Sometimes I see people who aren’t alive in my dreams.” I revealed. That was the last time I was invited to any Girl Scout events, I became socially estranged and consequently decided to stop sharing my abilities with the other people for some time.
Growing up psychic was terrifying. I was seeing and feeling scary entities and spirits that no one else could. I was afraid of the dark, for very good reasons. So without a language to identify my experiences, or tools to cope, I became a reclusive “scared-y cat” and my mom told everyone that I was “just a very sensitive kid.” And in a way, she was right.
What I didn’t know then is that; Being sensitive is a strength, seeing beyond belief is a superpower and intuition is a revolutionary act. But I was meant to find my way without an example to guide me.
Since I was alone in my experiences without explanation or tools to cope in addition to dysfunction at home, I became a “troubled teen”. I began to feel like the freak all the kids proclaimed me to be, so I feel into a deep depression that lasted from my early teens into my twenties. Alcohol and looking for love in abusive relationships were my futile attempts to escape all the psychic sensory input & hardship from a broken home I didn’t know how to deal with.
I spent most of my years growing up trying to shut out and turn off my intuitive abilities, which never worked. Over time I began internalizing the idea that because of being psychic and the depression I felt there must be something “bad” or “broken” about me. After all, dominant culture aligns the things I experienced and perceived with having mental illness, which society stigmatizes as inherently broken and without validity.
Being sensitive is a strength, seeing beyond belief is a superpower and intuition is a revolutionary act.
Seeing demonic scratch marks appear on my arm, catching black ash raining from “nowhere” in my living room, seeing spirits and shadow figures while I was asleep and awake, watching my ex-fiancée “become another person” and listen to him maniacally laugh, attack me and behave like he was possessed)… and many more occurrences all led up to the most terrifying experience of them all.
The tipping point was when I had a near death experience; my (now ex) husband made a serious attempt on my life and almost succeeded. I narrowly escaped death with the guidance of my intuition and a spirit intervening at the right moment, both saved me from imminent doom. I am lucky to still be here, many women like me don’t survive. 55% of women homicide victims are due to intimate partner violence, Black and Indigenous women of color are killed by men at a higher rate than any other ethnic groups.
The day after that traumatic experience was my 25th birthday, and the only thing I was capable of that day beyond breathing, was promising myself that I’d no longer deny my intuition, because without it I wouldn’t be here. My wish that birthday was to live a meaningful life and find my purpose.
This is when I began to embrace that I am a gifted psychic and I was given a second chance at life, so maybe I was meant to be here and use those gifts to help others. Finally the arduous path of my life started to make sense and I decided to begin my journey to becoming a professional psychic.
In my work I’m creating a more representative narrative by using my platform to share my real life experiences at the intersection of being a psychic medium, and a Queer Black Indigenous Woman of Color with PTSD and Chronic Illness. It’s time to normalize the vast spectrum of our truth, lived experiences and end the stigma attached to our natural, Indigenous ways and wisdoms. My ancestors are guiding me to make spiritual resources more accessible for Black Indigenous Women of Color, and folks with other marginalized identities by fundraising to provide free spiritual services and classes. This is my sacred calling and emergent strategy, I believe that over time we can make small changes that shift the greater paradigm. Together, we have the power to change worlds.